Freshman year is over!!! Well, almost. We have a few weeks left but it doesn’t really matter because finals and stuff. Anyway, I thought I’d talk about things that happened this school year, good and bad. I’ll also talk about stuff I wish I hadn’t done during my freshman year so future freshmen, pay attention. I know there’s bound to be some babies looking at this anyway because Ms. Fortuna is probably making you look at old blogs so hi, and take this shit seriously or else you’ll want to die by the end of the year. Lets begin, shall we?
I got in my first relationship…
Yup, I had a girlfriend… and it lasted a little over a month. I would throw hella shade at her because I ended up getting seriously hurt in the end but I honestly don’t hate her. Her existence sometimes annoys me because she’s mean to me but that’s about it. She’s still a pretty cool person. Anyway, my point to this is: DON’T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN A RELATIONSHIP!! Yes, it was nice while it lasted and I’m not saying you shouldn’t get into a relationship at all. In fact, do that. If you and someone else have mutual feelings for each other, go for it. Just, whatever you do, don’t do what I did and focus 100% of your energy and self worth on that relationship. When I was with this girl, I was just starting to work on my self esteem and to be honest, I based how I felt about myself around how she felt about me. That in itself was self destructive and it shows how little worth I felt I had as an individual. Naturally, when she dumped me, I broke. I wasn’t prepared and I legitimately hated myself for a while after that (even more than I did prior to getting into that relationship). It took quite a while for me to recover which I did, thankfully. I just wish then that I had more of a sense of self worth and confidence so that it would’ve hurt less. Fortunately though, I’m actually starting to become more comfortable with myself which is nice. I still have a long way to go but it’s a start and I’m genuinely looking forward to a future where I can love myself completely. Basically though, love yourself and put yourself first you small child. Okay? Okay.
I got my lowest grade… ever… yay?
I mean, it wasn’t a really low grade but I used to be able to use this as a go to whenever I was asked to give a “totally cool, random fact” about myself because I have very boring life. It was either “my lowest grade ever was a B+” or “once, I accidentally put salt in one of my cuts while I was cooking because I forgot I cut my finger” and which one sounds cooler? I mean, maybe the latter because, hey, I’m hardcore and survived having salt in my healing wound. I may have screamed like a little bitch but I survived. Although, people may just think I’m kinda stupid for that so we’ll stick with the first. Anyway, my lowest grade now is a C and while that’s not bad, it’s basically because I half assed everything and surprise surprise, the first thingy I listed was a factor in this (my fault though. I was really dumb). I also have really bad time management skills so that paired with my inability to focus due to emotions being a thing really wore me out. I’m sometimes too depressed to look at Powerschool now because it’s a constant reminder that I suck as a student. The lesson here? USE YOUR TIME WISELY! SCHOOL IS A TOP PRIORITY! WORK TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY! THOSE SELF DEPRECATING MEMES ABOUT GOING FROM A’s TO D’s (among other things) ARE TRUE!! I know it seems like this advice is cliche and not actually useful but you’re gonna realize sooner or later that you should at least consider this stuff.
I skipped class twice
This honestly isn’t that bad. I don’t like gym. But I mean, I guess I’m supposed to be a good role model and encourage you not to do that so don’t. Just make sure you don’t miss so much that your grade drops exponentially and that you lose credit for the course. Oh, and don’t get caught. And just don’t do it, maybe?
I made friends which was cool, I guess
I started high school having only one close friend from middle school. I fucking hate him now but that’s not important. Because I was the only one from my middle school going to the school I’m in now, I came here with pretty much no friends. The whole summer before freshman year, I was very worried that I wouldn’t have many friends and that I’d be a huge loner. It didn’t help that I had just lost a few friends due to stupid middle school drama and was on the verge of losing my last one (who can suck it now). However, I now have actual human people that I can proudly call my friends and I love them so much! I had a bit of an upper hand since I went to my orientation the week before school started and met a few of my closest friends there. I was super awkward and nervous but eventually I warmed up and made more friends and now everyone thinks I’ve pretty much lost my sanity (which is okay). Also, shoutout to Kyla for being one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for because even though I met you later on in the year, you’re one of my main sources of comfort and you mean the world to me.
I met more gays and have a loving, supportive community
Well, one, I’d just like to point out that, for someone who is bisexual, I say I’m gay a lot. That’s not the point though. In middle school, I was only 1 out of about 6 LGBT kids in my grade (that I knew of, at least). My middle school was a pretty toxic place for people like me, to say the least. That being said, it’s not like I haven’t met people who are toxic towards the LGBT+ community here but those people aren’t as common. I have a very loving, supportive, and diverse community here and I really love it.
I cried myself to sleep more times than I probably should have
I assume you already know one of the reasons since it should be obvious. If not, I don’t know what to tell you but I don’t have the energy to write out what you could easily scroll back up to figure out. My main reason for crying myself to sleep though was my lack of motivation which inevitably brought down my grades.
My sense of humor is weird
Literally anything is a meme now and I’m on board. And no, I don’t mean your forced ass normie memes that try too hard to be “dank” (and to be honest, “dank meme” is sort of a dated term anyway). I mean the ones that remind me how dead on the inside I am while simultaneously making me forget that for a few seconds so I can laugh before having to get out of bed and suffer.
I think I changed as a person but idk, man
Let’s just compare me around this time of year in 2016 to now, shall we?
- Only listened to super emo music with the exception of one Kpop song (I Need U by BTS)
- Refused to wear anything but emo band shirts with black skinny jeans
- Was really uncomfortable with the way my body looked
- Straightened my hair literally everyday because I thought my curls were gross looking
- Only liked mainstream memes and called them “dank” even though they were really stupid
- Was still, to an extent, in denial about my sexuality
- Thought Namjoon (Rap Monster or Rapmon from BTS) was ugly???
- Sleep in the middle of the day was gross to me???
- I thought I was so cool when in reality, I was the most annoying person ever
- Was literally so obsessed with finding “love” (lmao) that it was pathetic
- Also developed crushes easily but they were all stupid anyway
- Seriously though, I actually thought love was cool??
Current me, as of 2017:
- I barely listen to emo music but I still like it a lot. You know what’s cool? Having a diverse music taste
- I’m cursed by my limited wardrobe that pretty much only allows me to wear band shirts and black skinny jeans but that’s boring and I can’t wait to go shopping so I can get clothes that I actually feel cute in
- I like my body and if you don’t like that, you can fuck off
- I still straighten my hair but not as often. My curls are cute, I just need to manage them a little better. I plan on doing more things with my hair that make me feel cute, not boring
- You know that one tumblr post that every wholesome meme page has on Instagram where it’s just an egg that says “suspicious” in a red font? Yep. Same. Egg.
- I’M NOT STRAIGHT BUT I’M STILL CLOSETED BUT I’VE COME TO TERMS WITH MY BISEXUALITY !!!
- How?? Why?? Where??? NAMJOON IS SO FUCKING CUTE WHAT THE HELL?
- I feel gross after my daily depression naps but sleep is also the only way I’m surviving, in all honesty
- I’m still the most annoying person ever, ew (not as much though)
- I still really wanna find love but I’m also really scared to because yeah
- Why isn’t anyone appealing?? What is a crush??
- Ew, love is gross
(not really, it’s cute. It just really fucking scares me and I’m in denial that it truly exists because I both haven’t found it and am unsure as to whether I really want to fall in love soon because of how scary it is)
Okay, I guess that’s all. I’m done. Bye. But first, here is a video that basically sums up my entire mind:
Fun fact: This is my alarm for the morning. Okay bye.